Our Deepest Thirst

I took the day off yesterday.  I wasn’t sick.  My kids weren’t sick.  I just needed a day.  A day to catch up on life – real life – the kind you feel, not the kind you do.

I had a lovely breakfast at my favorite taco spot, but as I left I was at a loss.  Five hours until I pick up kids from school.  How do I spend it?  How do I make this day valuable?  My practical list of tasks begging for my attention is long – clean, sort, organize, purchase…
My body has been asking for rest.  Should I read and nap all day?  Maybe book a massage?
And writing!  How I’ve longed to have a day to devote to writing!

None of these options seem like they will fulfill the purpose of this precious day.  But the clock is ticking.  So I begin to voice my frustration to God, “God, you know what this feeling is much more than I do.  It’s this restlessness.  It’s this not having enough. This not being enough.  It’s this heaviness even when things are good.  What I’m really asking is, how do I make this ache go away?”

And there it was.   Continue reading

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Trust changes everything…

When I was 17, I found myself in a place where I was being deeply impacted by other people’s choices.  Specifically, my parents.
They had decided to move out of state.  I had no control over it, and I didn’t like it.

I was old enough to have a very independent life, but not at all in a place to be financially independent.  And that’s a pretty important part of independence!

So, in the middle of anger, deep sadness and frustration, I schemed and planned out every possible way that I could stay behind.  Continue reading